Saturday, April 01, 2006

5 x 2

I tend to be good at working out which movies I won't like and not seeing them, so saying that this is the worst movie I have seen in a long time doesn't mean it is the worst movie ever, just the worst in a self-selected bunch of generally good movies. I really did not like it; and those I asked about it afterwards were also unenthusiastic. One, in fact confessed to being stupid: he had seen the Pinter play from which it was drawn and not liked it.

1. Gilles and his brunette, hiking liking girlfrind go to some vile "holiday village" for a week. Gilles meets the blonde non-hiking liking Marion. They swim while the hiker hikes. 2. They get married. Gilles is already so tired of her he goes to sleep while she removes her wedding dress. Her parents, meanwhile, are still dancing lovingly. Marion goes for a walk, gets near-raped by some wandering husband lookalike hiding in the bushes. 3. She has a baby: Gilles is all "I'll be there in a minute" but instead holds all calls so he can work and then goes for a nice steak meal before finally turning up at the hospital. 4. Gilles's brother has a new boyfriend, a young and very good looking fellow - with whom Gilles is sure it won't last, because the fellow doesn't love the brother. 5. Gilles and Marion get divorced, the judge shares their property and makes decisions about their boy. Marion nonethless goes to Gilles's hotel and gets into bed with him. When he wants sex, she pushes him, so he turns her over and has sex anyway, she's all the while shouting "arretez". When she leaves, he asks "so, do you want to try again?".

There's your five scenes. No substance was added by the gimmick of playing them in reverse order, except maybe a bit of irony when Gilles says the relationship between his brother and boyfriend won't last. Gilles is a cock, Marion is nice but bland. Divorce is such a commonplace these days that if you want to make a movie about it, something original needs to be said, or the people involved need at least to be interesting. These ones weren't.


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